Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
