i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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