So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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