Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
