its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
