If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
