Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
