a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
