he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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