I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she smelled like a LAN party
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
