u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
