Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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