i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
