I smell stomach acid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
