You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
