so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
