someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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