I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
