Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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