If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
