You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
