well I can't set my house on fire every night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
