She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
