There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is wine microwaveable?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
