There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
