Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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