so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
