you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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