I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
