dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
