Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
