1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
