I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
