I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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