waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fill condoms, not promises.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
