She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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