drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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