Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
