Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
