So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
