My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
