I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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