I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
