I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
