the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
