She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
