I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
