I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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