Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
