I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
