I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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