My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
