The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
