I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
