on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
