Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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